Be Mindful of Your Expectations
Photo By:Vitaly Gariev https://unsplash.com/@silverkblack
I have heard a lot of presumptuous comments about children forgetting their parents when they grow up and I wonder what the root of this assumption is. As the child listening to this prediction being passed around easily, I felt judged, predetermined, and it bothered me that this felt like a wall against the love parents would receive if they didn't choose to believe they would be forgotten.
As a parent, I choose to cultivate my relationship with my child and I do feel her turn away when I impose my expectations on her. When I'm open to letting her be, I take notice of the small ways she does remember me. Observing the dynamics of the parent/child relationship, I wonder if the belief that parents will be forgotten is rooted in the parent's self-doubt and struggle to let their child go. We have been taught to strive for control and we can forget that we don't have control over other people. My child is not an extension of myself and, even though I had to assume control at the start, I am not meant to control what my child does or who they become. If I hang onto wanting them to be as I envision, I am pushing away who they are and creating a barrier that they will have no motivation to meet. Turning away wouldn't be because they have forgotten, it would be because they themselves don't feel loved and accepted.
The challenge of parenting is being able to juggle conditioning without allowing it to interfere with the clean slate that lies before us. The love that is remembered and honored is the love that freely accepted them and was willing to walk alongside them. There is no reason to presume what children will be when they grow up because we don't know. Small words against them do hurt them, even if they don't express it aloud. If we don't allow them to be who they are, then we aren't respecting them and will lose their respect.
Every relationship is a two-way street that gives and takes. It's a responsibility to keep conscious of what we give and take, and know why. Try not to hastily blame the other person when it doesn’t feel right. Remember to assess yourself and understand your role. We are all here to love and support each other in harmony, even if we don't get our way. Be mindful of your expectations.
