What Lies Within Us Matters
Photo by: Fares Hamouche https://unsplash.com/@fodelwdc
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
When the possibilities seem endless, yet what is before me is limiting, it's time to examine the resources I hold. Experience is stored within my memory but until I utilize it and work to understand all that it offers, I am working with uninformed assumptions.
What I felt about a past situation pertains to the past and is used to determine how I act in the future. When I can understand why it was and what is valuable from it, I can close the past and welcome the future.
Working to find a way forward requires me to examine the past, present and future without letting the components determine who I am. To remain present and decide my future, insight must be gained before moving forward. Without knowing myself, what surrounds me has the power to control me and what happens no longer pertains to who I am.
This quote speaks to me because I experienced this situation in my recovery. Mending the body and mind after years of training to deal with having seizures, it was difficult to decipher the sensations I felt from the seizure triggers that I used to associate them with. Because I was afraid, my mind kept reverting to old methods without assessing the present situation. What lay before me became something to fear instead of something to discover, and my defenses forgot to look within. Without taking time to recognize my desires and intentions, my actions were automatic for survival and I was frustrated with why everything felt wrong when I thought I was doing right. Sensing that something was off, I knew it was time to examine my motives and who I am so I would pay attention to my reactions. Reconnecting to my motivations and re-examining my abilities, I realized that I had been reacting to a fear that no longer exists and forgetting to believe in myself. As much as I was working to resolve my past, it became clear that I had to face and let it go in order to be myself and move forward. It meant that I had to venture into uncertainty and listen within to be my present self. Without being aware of myself, I allowed my surroundings to subconsciously transport me to my past and prevent me from moving on. There was a lot to uncover, face and change. The goal to face my demon was worth every effort to achieve being comfortable with who I am because of my past.
