Separated and Yet, Together
My husband (Chad )and I have experienced phases of separation within our relationship that allowed us to review ourselves, each other and our relationship. From a long distance relationship when we were dating and Chad started university, to separation because I had to be in care after my stroke and now to a minor separation within our house because he is recovering from a surgery. In each separation, I had to discipline my mind to not build on self-doubt stories, be patient and respect the circumstances.
When we were in high school, Chad got accepted into university and I was two years behind him. I heard stories about the complications of a long distance relationship but I was also aware that we were both young and discovering. Nothing said that we had to end up marrying. I could have easily come up with a list of reasoning as to why he wouldn't remain loyal to me but I didn't want to stoke an unnecessary fire. I wanted us to be together because we wanted to be and maybe discovering other people and time apart would help us to know. For a couple of years, we were separated and yet, together.
After my brain surgery and stroke, I recovered in a hospital away from my home city for a month, then weeks in our city's hospital and then in separate homes as my parents took me in to care for me. In this scenario, I once again could have listed the many reasons why he wouldn't want me but I made myself be conscious of how he kept coming back and showed no sign of agreeing with my doubts. I, once again, had to discipline my mind and let myself review our past survival. Every time the doubtful thoughts crept into my mind, I reminded myself to not stoke the unnecessary fire. I knew that it was my responsibility to be patient, respect the situation and believe in what I wanted to be true. For the time, we were separated and yet, together.
Recently, Chad had corrective surgery and his recovery placed us in separate rooms for sleeping. From my viewpoint, I wished I could run in and care for him but I am not capable and the recovery is beyond my control. I can sit aside and list my faults and how I fail as a wife or l choose not to stoke an unnecessary fire and wait patiently while only contributing what I can. I have no reason to believe that I am not worthy as I am. In my time away from Chad, I reflect on our past successes of being separated and, yet, together. I trust that Chad and I will continue being together. Every time we are together, we can reminisce fondly of our past and happily continue on together. I have no reason to build on self-doubt. There is purpose in being patient, respecting the situation and believing in what I want to be true. As long as we are willing to work together, no separation will keep us apart.
My life continuously teaches me that the thoughts I plant and nourish in my mind matters. My training taught me that acknowledging feelings and emotions does not have to mean growing them. They are there to indicate something that requires tending and it may not be what it appears to be. The story I choose to follow and craft could become the garden if I don’t wisely select my stories.
