My Love and Challenge in Parenting

Photo by: Nubelson Fernandes https://unsplash.com/@nublson

When they were a baby, I had to admit to not-knowing while acting like I knew. As they got older, I had to keep conscious of where my thoughts were coming from. Were my decisions with their best interests in mind, my desires or what I thought was expected of us? The older they got the harder it was to realize who’s growth I was working on and where I was placing my trust. I ran into many moments of thinking I knew how it should go, not being able to carry it out and having to admit that it wasn’t my place to decide. Even in getting excited for my child I had to pause and consider my place. I’m allowed to feel for my child and have my knowledge triggered but it isn’t my place to own my child’s experience. Part of my growth challenge is to remember that we are similar and together but we are separate beings on separate journeys.  

Along my journey, I  also got caught in carrying out teachings based on my childhood. I realized that their similar situation was happening at a different time, isn’t mine to experience and tried thinking with a clean slate. This encouraged me to reassess my past and learn about myself while staying open to get to know my child. For every issue I wanted to correct in my child, I had the opportunity to learn more about myself and practice how I wanted to be. Awareness in parenthood became a learning journey that could be shared and doesn't require control. The  greatest gift was knowing that there is no way that I must be, it's okay to grow alongside my child without control.