Can’t Miss Graduation
Photo By: noor vasquez photo https://unsplash.com/@noorvasquezfoto
Where you place your energy (concentration) and the intention of your desire can shift results, even if you don't realize it. Have you ever been determined in wanting something with good intentions and found that it miraculously became real? Did it make you wonder how that came to be? Were you grateful or did you start thinking that you were powerful? Willpower emanates a lot of energy and requires concentration but it doesn't mean that we control what happens.
I had just been informed that a brain tumor was the cause of my grand mal seizures. I was in my last year of elementary school and I longed to fit in with my classmates, even though I often had to separate myself for safety. We were all going to move forward into separate high schools because we were in a ‘gifted’ program that brought us together from different areas. Graduation was coming up and it'd be our last chance to be together before moving on. I didn't want to miss it!
With a possibility to resolve my seizures, it was hardly something I'd turn down but achieving closure to move on to greater possibilities was also important. I knew that attending my health was important to me but I feared missing out on more because of it. I had been invited to come into observations so the doctors could determine if brain surgery could resolve the tumor. Because seizures were sporadic, there was no knowing how long I'd have to be there. With graduation a few weeks away, I wanted to refuse but the choice wasn't in my control. I followed what came, hoping and praying that it wouldn't interfere with my graduation.
I entered observations and got the machine attached to my head. I was to remain in the hospital pretending it was just another day and hope to have seizures that would give the proper information. My medication was taken away and my mother went home so I was alone with the nurses.
My mind kept visioning graduation and I recited prayer after prayer as to why I wanted to be there. I journaled, listing my reasoning and doing my best to stay humble. I cried and quietly let out my frustration while constantly returning to the vision of graduation. Amidst my grief and frustration, I lost consciousness of what happened. I know I had some seizures but I concentrated only on imagining graduation and believing that I'd make it.
Come morning, I was woken up with the doctor rushing in and urging me to drink my medication. Confused, I followed the instructions and was informed that I had ten grand mal seizures that night. My mother was on the way over to pick me up. The doctors received what they needed, I was free to go home.
I was in a state of shock as I waited for my mother. I was going to go to my graduation! I started to wonder about the power of determination and prayer. Could it be channeled toward something within reason? Surely, this isn't a rare super power but something that must be used wisely. Observations helped me to discover willpower. It opened up my research into how to channel energy and how to focus the mind on different desires for a common goal. The one thing I had to remember was that I couldn't control or have it all. I could learn how to focus and use my intentions but I had to keep thinking beyond myself to remain balanced.
My first Observations experience taught me that there is great value in the power of will and that balancing personal needs with good intentions have a way of shifting what happens. I may not realize it as it's happening but my intentions have meaning and are listened to. Maybe when I don't get what I want, it just isn't meant to be. Trying is worth more experience than not trying at all. Placing energy in what matters to me contributes to the shifts I desire. I may not control what happens but recognizing my part in it means the world to me.
