How I Became a Perpetual Student
Photo By: zhenzhong liu https://unsplash.com/@lzzbest
II've been studying perseverance and the unshakable mindset, wondering how they became a part of my being. For a while, I was certain it had to do with values but I couldn't figure out what led me to it. Weeding out anything related to my epilepsy experience, I reflected on my love for learning and my desire to make a connection with everything. This led me to remember when the seed to always love and be curious to learn was planted in me.
I was four years old when my parents sent me with my Oma and aunt to live in Indonesia. I was too young to understand the issues they were resolving and despite feeling sad to leave my parents and brother, the idea of traveling across the world on an airplane and meeting family I didn't know was an excitement that outweighed any negativity.
In a country where I barely understood the language, there was no expectation of me. I learned that I only had to try my best,work with what I had and ask for help when I needed it. For the two years that I was away from my family in Canada, I explored a new culture, learned like any other child and dreamed of finding more to discover.
I didn't remain the loving, curious student when I returned to Canada because I was older and school held expectations of me. I found it hard to fit in and follow what was expected of me. When I had my first seizure at the age of eleven, I became curious once more to understand what it meant. I refused to listen to any opinions that turned me away from feeling a connection to the situation. As an adolescent not yet knowing what would happen, I wanted space to explore, learn like everyone else and dream for more. When the seizures became more frequent after a brain surgery, I had no choice but to accept it while starting high school to figure out who I am. Just as I could not control being halfway across the world in a different culture when I was four, I could not control living with an invisible disability that I barely understood. I could only trust that there is something to discover, try my best,work with what I have and ask for help when I need it. For everything that I couldn't understand or prevent, I made it my quest to find my own meaning and water only the thoughts that produced a warm connection. I didn't allow myself to concentrate on the injuries or what I couldn't control, I strived to explore different methods and perspectives. I perceived disruptions as learning opportunities from God and chose to pursue the lessons as a way of respecting life. I believed that turning away from a challenge was refusing to grow into who I am.
Looking back on the years with epilepsy, it was a dim memory of the child who concentrated on trying her best and discovering new things that blossomed again to deal with the life of daily seizures. During that time, the most important thing to me was to feel connected to life, feel love for what happened and learn something from everything. It was through experiencing constant changes and striving to make sense of them that enlivened me to be a Perpetual Student. I am forever grateful for my opportunity to live in a different country and my teenage years of constant disruptions that set me on a determination to uncover lessons and love in every experience.
It is amazing to discover how unexpected events in our past have a way of shaping who we are in the present. I'm grateful for having realized what shaped me into who I am and to have continuous inspiration for daily discoveries.
