Finding the Fun to Make It Acceptable
Photo By: MI PHAM https://unsplash.com/@phammi
Sometimes, the way to make acceptance bearable is to find the fun side of the picture to distract yourself from focusing on what you can't help but dread. In teaching yourself to let go of what you can’t control and concentrate on what you can, the situation isn’t as heavy as you first thought.
I recall doing this after my first brain surgery. Wanting to concentrate on believing that this was my cure, I didn't want to be conscious of small drawbacks. I had woken up groggy, not knowing where my stuffed bear was (apparently I threw up all over him and they had to throw him in a washer), I was starting to get a hold of my senses and feeling grateful to be alive while waiting for my mother. When I saw my mother, I was filled with glee thinking that I'd accomplished my mission. She looked at me dubiously, obviously confused by my cheer. Slowly, she brought me to a mirror and tried to break some news to me, “Um, Astrid, you do realize that you have staples in your head? I know that it’s odd but…”
I recognized my mother’s worry about what people might say about my appearance and didn’t want her to elaborate. I countered her worry with concentration on what was unique. “Cool!” I exclaimed. When I caught my mother’s worried expression, I continued on, “Aw, come on, Mom! How many people get to say that they’ve had staples in their head? It’ll be fine, it’s part of the process.”
By the time a possible solution for my seizures was found, I had been having them for two and a half years. Being different felt inevitable to me and accepting it was necessary for my safety. Knowing that I couldn't avoid circumstances and hoping to be cured, I had decided to surrender my expectations, place my trust in God and make the best of any situation. I thought it was a miracle that I was alive and I prayed that it meant that opportunities to find purpose for my existence awaited me. I didn’t want to waste time worrying about what could happen or what people may think, I wanted to sense the gift in the situation. If I had to experience something rare, I may as well appreciate its unique traits and consider it an exclusive gift. Thank goodness if nobody else understood, I wouldn't want to put anyone else through what I go through. I just wanted to be grateful for receiving odd gifts and make the best of it. I figured that for anyone willing to put me down for it, they should just be grateful that they don't have to experience it.
