Time to Embrace Myself

My observation on the illusion of ‘normal’.

For most of my life, I've played the persona that gave the example of what I wanted from around me. It was a calm, confident and courageous personality that concentrated within and avoided scenarios that would open questions that I could not answer about myself. I did this so I could face my confusion without further confusion. Despite loving to connect with people, I'd been taught that I am unacceptable due to my disability and the inability to explain where my life took me only amplified what I was taught. 

After my seizures were gone and I had a more visible disability, I got caught in the illusion of trying to be ‘normal’. In chasing the illusion, I lost what had carried me forward in the past because I hadn't dealt with the losses epilepsy brought me and failed to recognize how epilepsy built me up. My mind was lost in trying to be what I thought would lead to acceptance but I never felt like myself. Every step forward in recovery meant that I must review my past and I couldn't make sense of it in words that other people would understand. I always spoke of being spiritual but I couldn't explain what exactly that meant and how it applied to my story. 

I now realize that being spiritual is self-discovery to me. There are no set principles or ways to follow, it's just being able to be with myself on my own as I learn and uncover the many layers of life. Self-discovery is about interacting with the world and having the ability to return to myself and connect with what I've learned outside of myself. It’s appreciating what I'm included in and recognizing my part in it. 

Even though there is an abundance of information that I could relate to and say that I follow, I know that limiting myself to a specific way would take away the wonder of discovery as well as give me a mask to avoid being myself. It’s time for me to be myself and tell my story as it is without worrying about understanding. Everyone is a unique individual who is meant to be who they are and get to know where they fit in the big picture on their own. The more truth that I embrace, the more peaceful I will be as I am. 

I aim to further research the beauty that life is and explore the opportunities creativity offers for sharing. I invite everyone to grow alongside me and embrace the love that they possess in everything they do!