Teenage Relationships
I was recently asked about what I thought about the stereotype of teenage daughters getting closer to their fathers and drawing slightly away from their mothers. I didn’t know how to respond other than to stay away from believing in stereotypes.
As the thought sunk in, I started to recall the experiences that do shape this scenario. Young children are often encouraged to do their best and people will often push them toward an example to follow. Girls are told to be like their mothers as boys are told to be like their fathers. As individuals searching for who they are, they don’t want to replicate another person but do hold an admiration for the image that has been their prime example.
Growing up, I recall being drawn to my mother’s good qualities and hearing that I should be like her. When I found qualities that didn’t align with me, I wanted to look elsewhere to learn my options. In the back of my mind, constantly being told to be like her made her into a rival and I couldn’t allow myself to blindly believe that I had to be like her. As my own individual ways took form, I could hear the comparison to my mother but had to listen to my own intuition.
Overall, my mother and I were never against each other but subconsciously she showed up as a rival and at times when she advised me with care, I’d instinctively fight against her telling me what to do. Thank goodness the fights never lasted but I hardly knew what part of my mind was triggered when I thought I had to fight for myself.
Now, as a mother with a daughter, I don’t like hearing that my daughter should become like me. I know that we are hardly the same and I want her to find who she is without us becoming rivals. We are equal caregivers to each other, and I know there will be times when it’s best for me to sit back and observe as she finds her way. I will always be here for her and will never be the one who knows best for her. I’m allowed to simply enjoy the beautiful person that she is.
