I Wouldn’t Be Given Anything I Can’t Handle
Photo By: Shaurya Sagar https://unsplash.com/@shauryasagar
God wouldn’t give me anything I can’t handle
If I were to hear this line for the first time now, my mind would be assuming that it means that I must be able to handle what I have on my own and that I should know (possibly without help) what to do. Thank goodness this inspiration first came into my life when I was fourteen years old and about to enter high school!
I was wrapping up my Summer before high school, recovering from brain surgery and trying to accept what I would think, feel and do with my more frequent seizures. Devastated with disappointment but curious to learn what my life was meant to become, this inspiration assured me that I wasn’t bound for failure. As a youth learning and bound for new things, I couldn’t believe that I was meant to do it all on my own or already know everything about the situation. My parents were still there, along with other adults. Surely, I was meant to work with them, I only had to figure out how I would do it and what to work on with them. It was clear that I had little control over what would happen to my body but I could still control the person I wanted to be and work on getting as close to the results I desired. Even if I can’t have everything that I wanted, God kept me alive with a disease for a reason. I didn’t know what the reason was or what I could handle, but surely I could learn with each situation.
As this inspiration became my mantra every time I felt doubt, fear or confusion, it became the fuel that kept me learning, staying conscious of myself, working with what I had and drawing no immediate judgments of what a situation meant. I had no room to store pity, anger or negativity when I wanted to learn from the experience. I’ve learned that ‘what I can handle’ doesn’t mean that it isn’t painful or hard, it just means that I will get challenged to use the resources I have and get to know the person I am and striving to be.
It is perfectly okay for me to not know what I’m doing or get what I want. As long as I’m willing to accept the experience, I can learn how to handle it. If I truly can’t handle it on my own, I can ask other people for help and learn from their methods.
I wouldn't be given anything I can't handle. I have moments of forgetting to take care of myself as I am chasing what I think I must. My plans come crashing down and I am guided to realize what needs my care. It's not what I expected at the start but when all is well again, the disappointment takes care of so much I had not been conscious of. By opening myself up to seek understanding of what it means to me, hope is resolved. When I let circumstances take its course and am believing in my part in it, I am allowing it to run.
From the mantra that helped to sustain me when I was fourteen, I have learned that there is more to life than what I thought or wanted. It’s okay to trust in what is happening and draw no conclusions while learning more. Up to this day, it helps to remind me that I’m not alone and I’m meant to keep growing with whatever I am going through.
